five letters sam sends kurt, and one he doesn't
by emilyforprez
Summary: dear kurt...


Dear Kurt,

Dad's new job keeps him away at all hours of the day, so even though he's working now, I still need someone to help babysit Stevie and Stacey. They miss you a lot. I do too. I miss everyone.

But our apartment is really nice. It's nothing like our house before, and I have to share with the twins, but it's nice. It's better than that motel, anyway. Less cockroaches. Sometimes I think I'll find one and you'll be there to spray it because you _know_ how much I hate them. I'm even getting shivers right now. If you could see me right now you'd be laughing.

School is fine. I feel weird being the new kid around here. At McKinley… it was different. I had Puck and Finn. And Quinn, and you.

I know I don't write as much as I should, but I don't have a phone or a computer to use…

It's late, I should be sleeping. I hope you sleep well. I hope you don't miss me too much. That was a joke — I want you to miss me. Is that selfish?

Goodnight!

Sincerely, Sam

…

Dear Kurt,

There's a girl in my first period that I like. I like her… but I don't like her that much. Does that make sense? She reminds me of Quinn, or maybe a mix of Quinn and Rachel, because she's annoying but she also makes me feel really great about everything. Her name is Rebecca. I think I love having her around because she's so nice. I like nice people.

And there's this kid, his name is Daniel, he really likes her, and I think he hates me. And I don't want to cause trouble. I don't want to cause anything. I want to be back home, Kurt. I want Daniel and Rebecca to like each other, I don't belong here, not really.

Dad doesn't come home at night anymore, and sometimes when I wake up he's still not home. Stevie and Stacey are really worried. Mom doesn't do anything but sleep.

I could really use you these days. How's Burt? And Finn? Tell Puck I said hi. I forgot to get his address when I left. I just memorized yours.

How's Blaine?

- Sam

…

Dear Kurt,

That story you sent me about Rachel vs. Blaine was the best! I miss her! Tell her I said that and also tell her not to get too beat up about sharing the solos. Everyone knows she's the greatest singer in there. Except for you. I mean, you two are matched. That's why you're such good friends, isn't it?

Let Blaine know how it works around there so Rachel doesn't freak.

Things are a lot better, I think, but not as good as I want them to be, but that's okay. There's a glee club here. I wanted to join, but… It wouldn't be the same. I mean, not really.

Sincerely,

Sam

…

Dear Kurt,

I joined the glee club. Thanks for convincing me. I think I'll like it, here, and I won't have to spend the rest of my life singing in the dark with just my guitar. Stevie and Stacey won't miss it, I think.

Sincerely,

Sam

P.S: Rebecca is there, too. I want to like her a lot, but I feel like it's not my place to. I miss you. Glee club isn't the same.

…

Dear Kurt,

I'm sorry this is written so bad but I have practice in 20 minutes and I just wanted to get this out.

You remember that time we were waiting for Stevie and Stacey to go to sleep? I think it was just a month before the entire glee club found out about, you know. Quinn couldn't make it so you came even when it wasn't your turn. And we sat there and they had just fallen asleep and you whispered to me, "Do you still love Quinn?"

And I remember thinking, yeah, of course I love Quinn, she's great. And Quinn is so pretty, and so smart, and you know, she hurt me, but she loved me a lot and I did love Quinn, I did like her so much. She was nice to me and I like nice people.

But when you said that to me I also thought that I didn't really love her.

I thought that for just a second and I thought it was stupid of me to have thought it. It wasn't because she hurt me, and it wasn't because she cheated on me, and it wasn't because I was just over her, but I think at that time, I kind of realized that I don't feel that way about her. I loved her the way I love a close friend. I closed my eyes when she kissed me. I was always distracted.

I loved her. I did love her, but I didn't love her enough. I didn't think about her the way I think about so many other things.

And maybe it was obvious at the time that I was thinking real hard about the question, because you raised your eyebrow in that way that you do when I answered, "Sure," but I wanted to write this to you because Rebecca reminds me of Quinn.

Rebecca reminds me of how I felt about her. And I hate that. I don't want that anymore.

And if you remember, I said to you, "Sure," and you raised that eyebrow, and then I said, "Do you love Blaine?"

And at that moment when you answered, "Sure," and I didn't really believe you, I also thought that it's okay if you love Blaine. It's okay because that's you. That's what you love.

I like that you like guys, Kurt. This is really late because you could have used this last year but I wanted to say this now. I like that you like guys.

I like that. I like that about you and I like you and I like guys, sometimes, too.

Sincerely,

Sam

…

Dear Kurt,

I love you. I miss you.

Love,

Sam


End file.
